Beautiful vs Sexy

On someone's recommendation, I have been reading the book Captivating and working through the accompanying workbook.  This has spurred the most amazing healing.  I can't even put into words how God has changed my heart with the teachings in this book.  Seriously, ladies, go read it. Enter with much prayer and ask Jesus to open your heart to hear what He would have you to hear. Men, go buy it for your women and encourage them to work through it.  Be prepared for a lot of tears.  Better yet, give them some time alone to process what they are reading.  And honestly, the author has a version for men titled Wild At Heart.  Go get it for yourself.  I haven't read it yet but if it is half as good as Captivating, you need it. 

Part of this book talks about the importance of beauty.  And how we all have beauty to share.  And how beauty is not on the outside, but radiates from the inside out. It talks about how the most beautiful woman they know is in her 70s.  How she lights a room when she enters and everyone flocks to her and wants to be near her because she's so overwhelmingly beautiful.

And that's wonderful and fabulous to think that it may be possible to achieve such beauty and to be able to shine the love of Jesus out through my pores like that.

But in my brain, I have a terrible time separating beautiful from sexy.  If you find the word sexy offensive, let's replace it with attractive.  Physically appealing to a member of the opposite gender.

Is this a cultural thing?  Is this simply because I'm ever more aware of my own lack of attractiveness and am clinging to the hope that I will eventually find someone who does not mind a little extra weight (ok, a lot...), splotchy skin, saggy everything, stretch marks, grey hair, wrinkles, etc.?  Is it because I remember once being beautiful, attractive, maybe even sexy...and I miss it?  Is it just me?

Or do you struggle the same? When I say someone is beautiful, what do you picture? Do you picture young, thin, long flowing hair, clear skin, red lips?  Or do you picture old, overweight, grey hair, wrinkles, but as welcoming as a warm chocolate chip cookie?

When a woman wants to feel desired, does she mean she wants people to want to be around her and bask in the love of Christ?  Or does she mean she wants a man to find her physically attractive and want to be with her in a more physically intimate way?   And what of us old, overweight, wrinkly, physically unattractive women who may one day want to be physically attractive to a man? Are we just out of luck?  Are we doomed to a life of physical loneliness?

And does it matter?

These are the things that are wrestling in my brain. Do I want to be beautiful or do I want to be physically attractive to the opposite gender?  Are they different?  Are there men out there who don't mind old, overweight, wrinkly, and grey?  Who not only want to be around us because we are beautiful on the inside, but who also want to be with us because they find our outside attractive in spite of the things that our culture finds unattractive?

And vice versa.  What about us?  Who are we looking for?  Does our potential mate have to be young and physically strong and hulky?

I have seen men that I find physically unattractive attract a spouse.  I myself have found men physically unattractive until I get to know them.  They become attractive as their personality shows.  Is it the same for us?  Can my glowing personality (ha) make me physically attractive in the eyes of some kind man in the future?

Or does it even matter?  I do miss having a partner. I miss having someone to cuddle on cold nights. Someone to help around the house.  Someone to hike with.  Someone to have morning devotionals with.  Some to pray with me.  Someone to curl next to on the couch while we talk about our hopes and dreams for the future, or watch a movie, or just...sit.   Someone to exercise with.  Someone to cook for.  Someone to spoil.  Someone to do my laundry (ok, now I'm just dreaming.  LOL)

But if I had to choose between being physically attractive and beautiful...the beauty that comes from Christ shining through me...I'm glad I have Christ.  And through Him, I am beautiful.  If I can get over my selfish desire to be physically attractive (which, lets face it, is a losing battle.  Those days are long gone), if I will focus on HIM and let him transform me, I will grow more and more beautiful.  And He will bless me. And I will share His love to all those around me.

And that is all that matters.