Special memories, special foods

Do you have any particular food that triggers a memory?  Say, for instance, does rocky road ice cream remind you of when you were pregnant and would go through a whole half-gallon carton by yourself? Or does a certain dish remind you of a certain person?  Like, a certain type of yeast roll remind you of a certain aunt who always made them?  (Those are called Polly Buns in our family, after Aunt Polly, my great-aunt who developed her own recipe and no matter how hard we try, no one can get them exactly like she did.  Though my mother comes awfully close!)

I have several examples in my own life (see above...) but the one on my mind lately has been brie and raspberries.  Until I moved to Alaska 7 years ago, I had never even heard of brie.  I grew up poor in a little town in Southeast Missouri.  After I got married we floated around...Southeast Missouri, Arkansas, Florida, Kentucky...and always too poor to notice "frou frou food".  My parents moved to Alaska shortly after I was married and, until 7 years ago, I hadn't lived near them in many years.  The past 7 years near my parents were pretty awesome, not gonna lie. 

Every holiday, they would host a huge get-together at their house.  Easter, Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas Eve were the huge ones, where they invited everyone they knew.  It was no odd thing to have 40+ people over for those.  Then we had just our family ones...Mother's Day, Father's Day, all birthdays.  And then of course just....hanging out.  My dad is a grill master.  The man does amazing things with a grill.  And everyone around wants to be invited when he fires that bad boy up.  (which, honestly, was every night during the summer.  And I actually have photos of him grilling in a snowstorm.)  Foods that will forever remind me of my dad's grilling include blackened salmon, corn on the cob, and reindeer sausage.

There are two things that will always remind me of my mother.  Tea and brie.  She loves tea, my mother.  She collects tea pots.  She loves tea parties.  While I'm not big on tea parties or tea, she hooked me with the brie.  The first time she made it for me I thought she was nuts.  WHY are we putting raspberry sauce on melted cheese??  Ewwww. Talk about frou-fou food! But I humored her.  And it was amazing.  And it became of a bit of a tradition.  In fact, she changed it up and did some kind of maple and nut topping once.  I disapproved.  A lot.  I mean, it was ok.  But not right. Sometimes she'd do it both ways if my sisters were joining us.  But she always had the raspberry version available for me. 

And then....they moved.  My dad was called to take a pastorate at a small church in Michigan.  So I bought his big gas grill (my sister bought the big charcoal grill. Yeah, he had 2 huge grills.  40+ people...he had to have both grills!) and we packed them up and waved goodbye.  They've been gone a little over 4 months now.  This weekend my sister and I set up the gas grill and used it for the first time.  It didn't taste the same without Daddy doing it. 

With all of the emotional stuff happening in my life right now, I have been missing my parents a lot.  And Friday night while grocery shopping, I saw a baby brie on clearance.  I knew I had to have it.  So I looped back around to the raspberries.  Last night, for my dinner, I popped the brie in the oven and made Mom's raspberry sauce to pour over the top.  I cut up my french baguette and set myself up a cute little table.  My sons were asking what on earth I was doing.  Why was I having brie?  Nana isn't here...  No, Nana isn't here. But it was almost like she was sitting with me.  I wish she had been sitting with me.  That was the first time I've had brie alone.  But it made me feel just a little closer to her.  And I think brie and raspberries has just become a major comfort food. 



Mom's Brie and Raspberries
1 brie (I used a baby brie, but we've had larger with more people, of course)
1 bag of frozen raspberries (of course can use fresh)
Sugar to taste
1 french baguette

Put the brie on a pie plate or in a brie roaster.  Put in the oven at 350 until soft.  While that is in the oven, put raspberries in a small saucepan. Add just a dash of water and sugar to taste.  Stir frequently over medium heat until heated through.  Slice baguette.

To serve, place brie on a plate and pour raspberry sauce over the top.  Scoop cheese and sauce onto bread slices and enjoy.

The Perfect Marriage. Or not.

As a young girl, I craved the day that I would be married.  All I wanted was to be a wife and mother.  I loved reading about marriage in the Bible.  I desperately wanted to be the Proverbs 31 woman; the Titus 2 woman.  When I did get married, I strove for that.  Of course I am not perfect.  No one is.  For almost 23 years I prayed and I prayed and I submitted to my husband, I supported my husband, and I loved my husband.  I followed those scriptures to the best of my human ability.  Of course I messed up.  Of course sometimes I didn't do it with a loving heart.  Of course I never achieved the status of The Perfect Wife.  Because.  I.  Am.  Human.  But I drew closer to the Lord and I did what I was called to do.

And you know what?  After almost 23 years, my husband walked out.

But......what??  All of the lessons on marriage that I've ever seen seem to imply that if you do all of these things; if you submit, if you respect, if you honor, if you love; enough, your marriage will be perfect.  You will be The Perfect Wife.  And because you have achieved that status, your husband will automatically become The Perfect Husband.  He will see you following the scriptures and he will automatically fall into his defined roles as well.  And you will have The Perfect Marriage. 

Dear Sisters, I'm so so sorry, but this is a lie.

There is no such thing as The Perfect Marriage.  Here on Earth, at least.  The Perfect Marriage is not between a man and a woman.  There is absolutely nothing you can do to create it.  The ONLY Perfect Marriage will be between Christ and His Church.

Should you then throw in the towel?  Don't even bother to try?  Absolutely not!  While you will not achieve The Perfect Marriage, you should most definitely follow scriptures. You should most definitely study and pray and follow the Lord.  You should submit, encourage, love, respect, and help your husband.

But you should know, my dear Sister, you should know that not only are you human, but your husband is too.  And as humans, we have free will.  And sometimes humans choose to sin.  Sometimes they choose to walk away from a wife who trying to be Godly and Christlike. Sometimes they will see your efforts and say "Meh." and decide they don't want it.  Sometimes they will turn their back on their wife, on their children, and on their church and will follow after the lusts of the flesh. 

Does this mean that you, the spurned wife, are a failure?  Does this mean that God has cast you aside as well?  Is He punishing you?  I say no.  I say that if you are praying and following God, and your husband chooses to turn his back and walk away, this is HIS sin.  Yes, it will be devastating.  You will have to do things you never dreamed you'd have to do.  Divorce agreements, custody arrangements, child support, court dates, visitation schedules.....these are all horrible horrible things I never dreamed I'd have to know about.  I never wanted to know about.  I STILL don't want to know about.  But sadly, these are things I'm learning.  Do you want to know what else I'm learning?  I'm learning that though my husband is human and has chosen to sin, my Father is not.  And He can not sin.  And He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me.  He has shown me time and again that He is the Great Provider.  He is the Great Comforter.  And most amazingly, HE is my husband!  And He fits that role better than any human man will ever be able to.

So, Sister, if you are in my shoes, if you are hurting and struggling, please please lean on God.  Please know that your husband's choices are not a reflection of your own walk with God.  Please know that even if you have done everything you thought a wife was supposed to do and that your marriage was supposed to be The Perfect Marriage, you were still married to a human man.  A human man who had every right to make his own choices and there is nothing you could have done to stop that.  God granted your husband free will, just as He did you.  And if your husband chose sin, even after you did everything you thought you could do, your husband will answer to that sin.  Not you.

And by "you" I, of course, mean "me".  And by "your husband" I, of course, mean "my husband"  Because this is all about my own failed marriage. And this is all to myself.  And of course this does not describe every failed marriage.  Of course you can switch the roles around and have a Godly husband whose wife chose the sinful path.  And of course there are marriages where both have checked out.  And of course there are three sides to every story.  (yours, mine, and the truth)  But if you are hurting, if you are where I am today, please know that YOU ARE LOVED.

Isaiah 54:5-6  "For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.  For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou was refused, saith thy God."