A few years ago I was all about being frugal, self sufficient, from-scratch cooking and baking, all-natural everything, and exercise. All of which are awesome. Except I was prideful. Very very prideful. I was proud that I was able to do that for my family. Proud that I was good at it. Proud that people looked at me in awe. And I loved that I was doing what was "best" for my family. Setting a good example. I didn't think I was judgmental, but looking back maybe I was. I felt sorry for those who didn't live that way. Those poor silly people...stuck in the rut of processed foods. "Microwave Mommas" who didn't provide the very best for their families. So sad. I shook my head at women in the grocery store whose carts were full of boxed meals and not much, if any, produce to speak of.
Don't get me wrong, I love that I was able to be a "Granola Girl". I still have my grain mill and my Bosch mixer. I still miss making bread and cooking from scratch. I miss "real" food. I miss how great I felt when I was working out and eating "clean".
But life isn't all about that. In one moment, it all crashed down. I went from a great paying job to being a single mom on welfare. And then I got off welfare. And then I got a second job. And now I'm struggling to make ends meet and struggling to find time to breathe, let alone cook. Today I dashed to the grocery store and was struck by what I had in my cart. I had bananas, apples, kiwi, and mango. And I had milk and cheese. And then I had frozen ravioli, Hamburger Helper, Rice A Roni, macaroni and cheese, and ramen. Sigh. And I often buy frozen meals for my lunches.
I used to judge people for this. Yep. I did. And now I understand that it isn't always an option. I do the best I can with what I have. And that means time and money, both. I don't even have time to meal prep like I once felt was absolutely necessary. I realize I could provide healthier meals, etc, if I used my day off for meal prep. Except I don't get days off. Like, ever. And on the off bizarre chance that the planets align and I do I get one off I tend to use it to rest. Because I HAVE to. And you know what? That's ok.
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Marco....
I haven't blogged in a year. Wow. I've missed writing. I have lists of blog posts I wanted to write. However, life happened. Here's a recap:
Jan--my last blog post. Love notes from God. I still get them. Regularly. My God is still amazing. :) At this point in Jan 2015, I was dipping my toes in the dating waters. Interesting experience.
Feb--I jumped head first into the dating waters and joined Match.com. I nearly vomited, I was so nervous. I signed up for just 1 month. Got a few interesting emails, chatted with a few men. One of those progressed from messages through Match to texting. To phone calls. To meeting in person. I met Mr. Wonderful for coffee on Feb 28.
March--Continued seeing Mr. Wonderful. Got a second job. My Granny died. Trip to MO for the funeral.
April--Life in full force chaos. 2 jobs, new relationship.
May--Youngest graduated from high school. My parents came up. Had a great visit. They met Mr. Wonderful. The boys and I moved from the large house into a smaller apartment. Mr. Wonderful's dad came in for the summer and I got to meet him.
June--I cut my hair back into a pixie...and dyed it red! My sons went to visit their grandmother and other family in MO. I turned 42. Still working 2 jobs, now deeply in love with Mr. Wonderful. We went on a photo road trip for me to show him my favorite mountain viewing spot and got trapped by a forest fire. Turned out to be the best unexpected overnight trip ever. Mr Wonderful's sister and their dad's girlfriend came in. I met his nieces, nephew, and their families as well. (or was that in July??)
July--My sons came back from MO with their cousin, who spent the month of July with us. I felt guilty because I worked so much he didn't get to see as much as I'd have hoped. Luckily, this was his second trip to Alaska, so he at least experienced it well the first time. We did do a few day trips, though, so that was good. Attended Mr. Wonderful's dad's small wedding. My oldest bought his first car!
August--My youngest moved into his dorm at college, about an hour away. He comes on home weekends, though, so I haven't been in mourning too much. Grateful I get to see him so often!
September--Skating through life, trying to squeeze in time to see my kids and Mr. Wonderful while hours were increasing at my second job. September is honestly a blur. I don't remember much, except that we celebrated Mr. Wonderful's birthday a week late because he was sick on his actual birthday.
October--Job 2 hours were insane. I had to dress in costume for every shift, which proved interesting. My lupus flared up intensely and a lot of that month is a blur, too. One thing stands out, however. Mr. Wonderful proposed and of course I accepted. We began planning a March 14, 2016 wedding. I met Mr. Wonderful's older son and his girlfriend, both of whom were awesome. His dad and step-mother went back to Arizona.
November--Thanksgiving at Mr. Wonderful's house. Hours decreased a little after Halloween. Wedding planning in full force.
December--Christmas. And wedding plans came to an abrupt halt when we hit some scheduling conflicts and decided to just do it while his sister was in town for the holidays. So....on December 28 I became Mrs. Wonderful!!
Wait...what?? Yep. I got married a little less than 3 weeks ago! I never ever thought I'd get married again. I guess God had other plans. I'll fill you in a little later, if I catch a few minutes of free time any time soon. As it is, I need to get ready to go to Job 2. My lupus is still aggravated and I forgot what it feels like to NOT be in pain all the time. I only get to attend church on Sunday mornings, if I'm lucky. And I haven't had a whole day off since New Years Day. And the only reason I had it off was because it was a holiday. Like I said, though, I still have a list of blog topics I want to touch on, so maybe I'll be around soon. Maybe...
Jan--my last blog post. Love notes from God. I still get them. Regularly. My God is still amazing. :) At this point in Jan 2015, I was dipping my toes in the dating waters. Interesting experience.
Feb--I jumped head first into the dating waters and joined Match.com. I nearly vomited, I was so nervous. I signed up for just 1 month. Got a few interesting emails, chatted with a few men. One of those progressed from messages through Match to texting. To phone calls. To meeting in person. I met Mr. Wonderful for coffee on Feb 28.
March--Continued seeing Mr. Wonderful. Got a second job. My Granny died. Trip to MO for the funeral.
April--Life in full force chaos. 2 jobs, new relationship.
May--Youngest graduated from high school. My parents came up. Had a great visit. They met Mr. Wonderful. The boys and I moved from the large house into a smaller apartment. Mr. Wonderful's dad came in for the summer and I got to meet him.
June--I cut my hair back into a pixie...and dyed it red! My sons went to visit their grandmother and other family in MO. I turned 42. Still working 2 jobs, now deeply in love with Mr. Wonderful. We went on a photo road trip for me to show him my favorite mountain viewing spot and got trapped by a forest fire. Turned out to be the best unexpected overnight trip ever. Mr Wonderful's sister and their dad's girlfriend came in. I met his nieces, nephew, and their families as well. (or was that in July??)
July--My sons came back from MO with their cousin, who spent the month of July with us. I felt guilty because I worked so much he didn't get to see as much as I'd have hoped. Luckily, this was his second trip to Alaska, so he at least experienced it well the first time. We did do a few day trips, though, so that was good. Attended Mr. Wonderful's dad's small wedding. My oldest bought his first car!
August--My youngest moved into his dorm at college, about an hour away. He comes on home weekends, though, so I haven't been in mourning too much. Grateful I get to see him so often!
September--Skating through life, trying to squeeze in time to see my kids and Mr. Wonderful while hours were increasing at my second job. September is honestly a blur. I don't remember much, except that we celebrated Mr. Wonderful's birthday a week late because he was sick on his actual birthday.
October--Job 2 hours were insane. I had to dress in costume for every shift, which proved interesting. My lupus flared up intensely and a lot of that month is a blur, too. One thing stands out, however. Mr. Wonderful proposed and of course I accepted. We began planning a March 14, 2016 wedding. I met Mr. Wonderful's older son and his girlfriend, both of whom were awesome. His dad and step-mother went back to Arizona.
November--Thanksgiving at Mr. Wonderful's house. Hours decreased a little after Halloween. Wedding planning in full force.
December--Christmas. And wedding plans came to an abrupt halt when we hit some scheduling conflicts and decided to just do it while his sister was in town for the holidays. So....on December 28 I became Mrs. Wonderful!!
Wait...what?? Yep. I got married a little less than 3 weeks ago! I never ever thought I'd get married again. I guess God had other plans. I'll fill you in a little later, if I catch a few minutes of free time any time soon. As it is, I need to get ready to go to Job 2. My lupus is still aggravated and I forgot what it feels like to NOT be in pain all the time. I only get to attend church on Sunday mornings, if I'm lucky. And I haven't had a whole day off since New Years Day. And the only reason I had it off was because it was a holiday. Like I said, though, I still have a list of blog topics I want to touch on, so maybe I'll be around soon. Maybe...
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